A feeling can be summarised as a single word, but a thought requires more.

One can feel:

• sad
• angry
• happy
• ugly

One can think and speculate:

• that your friend ignored you
• that you weren't treated fairly
• that rollercoaster was fun and we should ride it again

When trying to vent feelings, it can be tempting for the listener to question if the feelings are even real. This is never a productive line of questioning, and almost always leads to the inflammation of feelings and sometimes to fights. For example:

• A: I feel ugly
• B: You're not ugly! How can you even think that?

This appears to be wholesome feedback, but in fact it denies the venter's feelings.

• A: I feel ugly.
• B: What do you mean?
• A: My hair always looks terrible. No matter what I tell the hairstylist I feel like I come out looking awful. I don't know how other people have such beautiful hair.

Understanding this separation between thoughts and feelings makes it much easier to manage both.